50th Post..

So to make it an even 50 for the year i have decided to post once more, 50 looks better than 49 for the year!
Well since we are a day away from saying goodbye to the old year and ushering in the new one i think it calls for a recap of 2011 and the significant changes that happened in my life!
The year started of with me being in Montreal and finding out that my long term ex is engaged, was a shock of sorts but then i got over it, then came the promotion at work which i must say was not as unexpected, the Sales-force launch followed and i made a trip to New Brunswick in Feb which was a welcome change as i got to connect with people i had missed and stopped keeping in touch with.
The birthday month was hectic as March usually is and project work took over, nothing of note other than work for the next few months and finally come June 1 we were ready for implementation, i still remember that day because i was in at work at 7:00 am and left the next morning at 5:00 am.
I took a break which i desperately needed and left for New Brunswick which was good, come Canada day and i had visitors! including a young lady who i grew fond of, we kept in touch and then i planned another trip to New Brunswick with her which was great, i loved the feeling of being all mushy and cute :-), we were on and off for a few weeks and then decided to call it quits, it was good while it lasted and from time to time i do miss being mushy and cute! and i think i got to see a side of the young lady which normally not a lot of people do and i must admit i liked it!
A few more busy weeks and it was Christmas time, which has been described in my previous post, so well that was my year!
As for tomorrow night, i have no idea where i might be but hopefully it will be fun and i do hope the new year brings everyone what they wished for!
Oh and i forgot to add, i have completed 25 pages of my book, another 175 and i can say it is complete!

One more....

So before the year is over, i thought i would post one more time! mostly because i do not feel like doing anything particularly exciting today from a work perspective, i still feel a little 'car-lagged' from the trip out east, it is a long long drive, not that i was driving but none the less!
So i got back last night from my trip out east and it was a good one!, saw a lot of people, spent Christmas time with some loved ones and then got to see some old friends in Fredericton. So we drove up on the 23rd of December  with a little detour in Montreal to pick up my lady friend(the one i had written about a few months back), and then onwards it was to Aroostook New Brunswick, the drive was good for the most part except the last hour or so when driving conditions became a little challenging and my buddy who was driving in those conditions for the first time found it a little challenging but he did an admirable job(a very safe driver indeed)
Christmas Eve was spent mostly lounging around, opening presents etc and then there was a big turkey dinner on the 25th. 26th we drove down to fredericton and i had called up a few of my good buddies from moncton and halifax who actually drove down to freddy, so it was really good to see them!, dinner at the dip, then drinks, a trip to 20/20(in my defence it was the only place open), more drinks, made for a really enjoyable time!
So the gist of it is that it was a good trip, although i did sense that my lady friend, was a little awkward at times, maybe it was just me!, but i think she should always keep smiling as it looks good on her, some people are meant to smile always!, oh and i saw kim after so many years in freddy!! and it was great catching up!!!!

Conclusion: I miss the old days! and i miss living in Freddy!!!!!!!!!

In Transit.... Again

So i am on a train as i type up this post, i have been in transit for too long, so will finally be glad to get home!
Today was a long long day but i think we got a bunch accomplished! Sales people are tough to deal with, very blunt and to the point about most things, i am sure they are not the same way with our clients!, but i liked everyone in the room and it was a good session( i was conducting the session, so it was very very good that everything went well)
Other than that nothing much to report on i guess, life is moving very very fast,will be in NB next week for Christmas as i had mentioned before hand, then for new year i don't know where i will land up this year! anyway this might be my last post for the year, so Happy Holidays to all of you out there(you know sometimes i wonder, who actually reads this blog,lol, my guess is no one, but this is my way of expressing how i feel about everything that matters)
So again, Have a Good One PEEPS! see you in the new year!

Christmas....

Is almost here, almost! i repeat but it feels like it already is, my week has been spent travelling and i expect next week to be the same, in toronto for 2 days which should be fun, albeit, its for work, but fun none the less....
Also christmas brings along with it a bevy of parties, almost everyday there is something to look forward to, too bad that the holiday season comes only once a year!
I hope to be in New Brunswick this year for christmas eve,christmas day and boxing day which should be a good experience, as always it is nice to see people you care about during holiday season :-), besides its good to have a family atmosphere during christmas time!

Exceeds Expectations....

That is what i got on my performance review, now do i really exceed expectations? i guess depends on what the expectations are, i guess in my eyes i just meet expectations, but i guess people at work think otherwise, i guess its mostly because of the long hours i usually put in, but isn;t that what you are supposed to do? or am i just a workaholic? i don't know sometimes, the only thing i know is that you give me a job to do, i take responsibility and try to complete it, anyway, nothing much has changed on the work front, will be in Toronto for a couple of days next week to conduct some Kai zen sessions! need to brush up on my Lean principles!
Also in other news we lost to City in the league cup quarter finals which brings to an end our unbeaten streak, but i was proud of the way the boys played, it was a very young team that wenger put out but they showed heart! Kudos to the young gunners!
Trips to Brazil and England are still very much a go, so excited for that in the new year!

A Long week....

Draws to an end, life has been hectic as usual which i guess in my case is nothing new as i have become accustomed to the pace that it has been taking of late....
Tomorrow is the big christmas party and although reluctant at first i finally gave in and decided to go, hopefully will be an interesting gala with the usual suspects playing a part in keeping the excitement alive!
Its almost christmas time, i am very nostalgic during this period, i begin to miss people,friends/family alike and i think it is because i have been away so long that the holidays seem like a time to re-connect but for some odd reason i never am able to re-connect which kind of dampens the mood!
I wonder if people miss me, like i miss them, sometimes little things matter so much, the memories of fun times, i wish we could relive the past but alas that seems to be a utopian dream, still remember how much fun we used to have back in school, once the holidays hit,,,, i miss my closest friends, sometimes a lot!
On a more positive and inspirational note we Qualified for the round of 16 and are on a good run, we are playing fulham tomorrow fingers crossed our run continues!

Some People..

Are very strange, i struggle to understand how they behave,react.... sometimes i think it is me, but then i think about it more and i can conclude quite conclusively that it is not me, i try hard to maintain relationships, friendships,acquaintances, sometimes maybe too hard but i cannot help it, i just want to make sure that i have not inadvertently hurt anyone or disappointed anyone and if i have them i am truly sorry, which i what i try to communicate, maybe my skills are not perfect in that regard and i know i should  not feel bad/guilty but i still do,a crazy paradox,,,, i think i should stop any and all contact with such individuals but oh well, i am who i am and they are who they are!
Among other things, things are starting to settle in life and i think i am getting all mushy again, i think it is that time of the year when you reminisce.... :-)

11,11,11

That was the date yesterday, i just realised that,,,, not that it matters, it was just a usual run of the mill type day for me, but for the superstitious folk out there i am sure it meant something!
Nothing much going on thesedays other than work, i will be glad when the system freeze comes into effect in decemeber and a lot of things go away from my plate. I had written in my last post that i might not be going to the christmas party, but that has changed and i am going, was being hounded by a bunch of people and so i caved in, should be good i guess....
The international break is on and so no games this weekend which sucks! i say do away with international football :-)
Also the trip to london is on which i am looking forward too! and a trip in december to montreal(was decided last night) and one to Brazil(more details on this coming up shortly :-)), so i think it is going to be a hectic and hopefully enjoyable 6 months coming up!

Movember....

Its here, not that i tend to grow a beard but thumbs up to all who do!
I have been very very busy of late, too many things on the go, mostly work related and i am still looking forward to that welcome break.
At the end of this month is our annual christmas gala and i think for the first time since i have been in kingston, i will not attend, none of my friends are going and so i thought what is the point, besides, too late to look for a date for that, the last 4 christmas functions have been good, i enjoyed myself in all of those, for the first 2, my long term ex was with me, the third one i went with one of her friends as she was out of the country and the last one i was single so a very good friend came along.But each one was fun,its been four long years here  in kingston and i have been thinking about a move, a move to where is the big question? let me see if i can figure out the answer to that one!
Among other things, we continued our fine run with another win this weekend, slowly but surely the confidence is coming back to where it once was,,,, i hope this team does what no one expects them to do and that is win the league, sometimes when u work hard everything goes your way and that includes the likes of city and united losing consistently, it has not happened yet but there is nothing there to prevent it from happening!

Have a good movember sunday peeps!

Resurrection....

Is exactly what has happened, the team emerged from the dead, we beat chelsea on the weekend and it was probably one of the most enjoyable games i have seen, went through every emotion in the book, but the scoreline Arsenal 5 Chelsea 3, loved it!
Other than that, the weekend was very very busy i went to work at 6 pm on saturday evening and was at work till 5 am and then had to go in again for a bit on sunday, but that's the nature of a move to prod i guess, everything that has to go wrong does!
Not much to talk about since i have been extremely busy with work and am looking forward to a welcome break soon! was planning a winter trip to whistler but might have to put that off since one of my buddies at work who i might add is a gooner as well talked about going to london for a few days just to watch the gunners, i have never been to the emirates and would love to watch a game and if it were a spurs game and we kick ass then even better :-), the logistics need to be worked out but london is only a 7 hr flight away and when the gunners come calling everything else takes a backseat :-)

Halloween.. and the past

Its almost Halloween, how time flies, i remember a few years back we used to frequent the big Halloween bash in Fredericton which was conducted by the engineering society, it used to be at the farmers market and was 10 dollars all you can drink(i think beer only was the catch?, don't remember quite clearly), but it was a lot of fun and i believe the only time i have ever dressed up for Halloween, reminiscing can be a lot of fun and i am good at it, spending hours lost in thought, smiling, the funny thing is that you(at least me) remember the good things and not necessarily the bad which it seems is washed away by the waves of time and i for one like that!

Contemplation has been on my mind of late, i am 33, but still single, the sense of urgency and the feeling to settle down is as strong as ever, its hard though to meet the right woman, sometimes you make a connection with certain people and you think its for good, but it turns out to be temporary which is frustrating as it happens to me a lot. I have thought long and hard and i think the reason it happens is because i meet similar people, someone in my shoes also grasping, waiting, hoping for something meaningful to happen on the relationship front and when two people in the same shoes meet, then illusions are created which is not a good thing, usually it comes out to the forefront after a short while which is good in a way as hopes and expectations are not built and each can go his or her own separate way but at times it drags on and can be hurtful,,,,

Every day, i hope to meet the one woman who i think is more than an illusion but since we live in a magical world, its more illusions and less reality!

Have a scary Halloween peeps!

Crazy weekend....

In terms of football, it was and i was pleasantly surprised and happy at the same time, we won against stoke so slowly and surely we are getting up there! but i woke up early today not to watch our game but the mancunian derby and it was shocking!6-1 for city? i had always maintained that uniteds run of good luck will come to an end and today it did and they were humbled by their petro dollar fuelled neighbours, liverpool could not do the job last weekend that city did this weekend!, on another note been a good week for my teams across sports, arsenal won,the leafs won, india won :-)

On a personal note however the weekend was not that great, most of it was spent at home, i have come down with a nasty flu and have been trying to sleep it off since friday, for the most part i do feel better now but rest again today are the doctors orders as i have an extremely busy week coming up, until next time!

I did make a video of Oreo using my Ipad and so i decided why not post it here!

Sunday....

A chilly sunday and i woke up really early to watch the game, it was worth it in the end i guess, but not without some nervy moments. I think today will be rather busy as i have a lot of work to finish, so not much time to relax, which i have had plenty of in the last 2 days though, so i am not complaining.

Other than that, nothing much exciting to report, life trudges along, thanksgiving dinner was nice, made new friends, met old ones, had some interesting conversations, made a new friend who is in her final year of law at mcgill and has some very interesting views on how the practice of law should evolve, i am sure there will be further interesting conversations on that regard :-), at the end of the night i was drunk on japanese plum wine(umeshu), it was the first time i had tried anything japanese other than sake and i can guarantee that this one definitely packs a kick and to top it off you do not even feel it, since it goes down so smooth!!

Derby Day Disaster....

It was, we lost 2-1 and it was disappointing all around, this team lacks confidence so much right now that i shudder to think what might happen if this goes on!, we need some kind of change and soon it will be time for drastic measures if we do not improve, lets hope and pray we patch together some kind of a run after the international break and keep our fingers crossed!!

Other than that life moves on slowly, saw a very beautiful movie the other day called Barney's Version and for some odd reason it reminded me of my lady friend(the one mentioned in posts over the last few months) and her smile, she does have a lovely smile and thinking about her smiling brought a smile to my face:-), you know one of those moments i guess!!

Friday....

It is, and a quiet one for a change, i have time to post something!
Not much happening in my life, kind of static at the moment, had a run in with the Tax folk over the week, my own fault for not filing on time, so had to scramble to get that done, i guess might have to pay a penalty for late submission, although my calculations indicated that they owed me and not the other way around!, anyway lets hope i get some money and not end up paying an exorbitant interest!!
I miss people in my life quite a bit and its days like these that it comes out on the forefront, could use some meaningful companionship and not the 20 year old facebook kind either, someone more mature who can carry a conversation!
On to other things, its Derby weekend and after a long long time, we actually go in as underdogs, which in my opinion might not be a bad thing, we have not hit top form, far from it, but we are scrapping and managing to get some positive outcomes, 3 wins on the trot, one premiership,one cup and one CL, all of which were shaky but confidence building is a slow process and if we do manage to win on Sunday it will be a massive shot in the arm, so lets hope for the best!!

The Facebook Generation....

Is what it is and i seem to be lost or rather too old :-), i live in the land of blogs and the alarm clock :-)
Blogging seemed to be the "in-thing" a few years back and now it seems to be a thing of the distant past, the first question that you get these days when you meet new people is "Are you on Facebook" and God forbid, if you say NO, then all Hell breaks loose, now i do have a facebook account that i check regularly(like once a day or so) but its usually reserved for messages, birthday wishes etc. etc., my life does not revolve around
facebook and i would not want it to either, but that seems to be the trend and i have been told to get with the program!!hm mm Facebook = My Life! NOT :-)
So back to my week, has been a little hectic, although not too bad,i went out for drinks with some friends on a weekday and i realised that 24-25 yr olds live in a different generation all together, met someone from work who i thought was extremely shy(that's how she comes across at work), but a few drinks and she opened right up:-), i guess its interesting to talk to people who are stuck at cultural cross-roads, she is cute, from BC, though ethnically from the sub-continent, been in Canada since an early age but i guess is caught between 2 cultural identities, should i be a young Canadian(culturally) or should i be a young Desi(again culturally), i guess time will tell!The buddy i went with wanted us to hook-up but 24? and me 33? interesting thought, but i doubt it!

Tired....

Of seeing us lose again, its was 4-3 today at Blackburn, do i feel frustrated, or angry? i don't know anymore, its more of a disappointing sadness that i feel, feel sorry for the club, the manager,,,, maybe they will turn it around! lets hope anyway,,,,

On another note, i have been chatting with my ex quite a bit these days and i guess things are not as rosy as she thought it would be after marriage,there was a lot of bitterness in me because i was really hurt, as time passed the bitterness passed as well, but yesterday when i spoke to her, all i could do was feel sad and sorry for her? it was really sad, i heard a person who was broken, depressed and resigned to leading a life which had no happiness, she thinks its karma for hurting me, i asked her to try communication, maybe that will help and they will be able to resolve their marital issues!

As for me, i am a traveller, on the journey of life, still looking for the right companion,,,, it seems like a long road ahead and i for one would love to have someone to share it with!

Lets say i am a dick...

Is that a presumption or is that reality, it is reality, i am a superficial dick,as much as i think i do not want to be one i end up being one, but then aren't we all?
A simple story to prove my point, i was talking to my friend a few months back and i thought something, lets say for argument sake a car, looked good, but then i started talking about the deficiencies, the seats are not right, the colour is not good, so what looked to be good car suddenly looked like, "oh well whatever", ultimately its because of how superficial i was and i want to change that, trust me, i have been trying hard but it does not seem to be working too well, i get frustrated and in my head i am constantly analyzing, maybe i need to figure out a way? someway that i can overlook the obvious and look at the nicer picture, maybe!, i am selfish and i want to figure out a way to change that! i know we all are, but some of us more than others and the more i try to improve myself the better it is for me and for my future....

On to more important things, we went to Dortmund today and came back 1-1
In the end a decent result, considering we were playing the Bundesliga champions, but we could have won it, it was a wonder strike that put them level( a once in a lifetime goal) but to be fair i think they deserved a point, but goetze is special, there is no doubt about it, but here is the kicker and mark my words, we have someone in the wings who is as well, RYO MIYAICHI, he is the future and is going to be one of the greatest footballers Asia has produced if not the greatest, and i for one expect him to be the next big superstar! in Red and White of course!!, so long!

The weekend....

Was nice, and relaxing :-), well its not over yet but for the most part it was good,
Friday was Onam, not that a lot of people know what it is, its a festival all malayalees celebrate, no matter where you are in the world, nothing religious, more cultural, a harvest festival actually, which has become tradition more than anything else,
So i decided to get drunk, i was planning to go out with my good friend anyway and then i decided, oh well time to let loose and drink, we were at the brew pub till 1 am, then we headed over to the goat to find that it was closed and then we ended up at the new Scottish restaurant/bar which has opened up, there till 2:30 and then she came home and we talked/danced till 4, it was good.Its funny how someone so very sober wants to dance everytime we drink,lol,there is a salsa party next week and i think i will take her to that, we get along great and its good to have a friend who understands my perspective and someone who is a very close confidant!
So i woke up with a hangover:-), but to see us win 1-0, it was laboured and it was a lucky goal, but i am positive we will improve as the season wears on!

Anyway, that was it, plan to relax some more today!

Quiet...

Very quiet indeed, that is how my week is going, sometimes i miss the excitement, sometimes i do not, i guess each is a trade off, been listening to music, a new tune has caught my attention, a very catchy tune, a mix of spanish and hindi.
Kind of a sad life when the most in terms of excitement is looking forward to the game on saturday with getting drunk with a really good friend on friday coming in a distant second,,,, still searching for that elusive one, maybe i will find her this weekend,maybe not,,,, but hope lingers!

Enjoy the song!

A Reality Check...

Is what i need, the weekend flew by, not too much excitement, i had to finish some work, so that took up a chunk of my time, i did win at poker though which was a welcome change!!
So back to the reality check, i am in a very somber mood as i write this, it can be attributed for the most part on my lonely existence, i need to find someone to share my life with, someone i can truly love, i know it takes me a while to fall in love but i am sure there is someone out there who is a perfect match, just that i am tired of waiting around, waddling in relationships that do not amount to much,,,, makes me think sometimes? is it me? or is it just bad luck? well there is no such as luck is there :-) so it must be me,
Who can put the smile back on my face? i wonder?

Beautiful....

A Spanish song i really enjoy, the translation is listed below the video

A word does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that mud hides.

A glance does not say anything
And at the same time it says everything
Like rain on your face
Or an old treasure map

A truth does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that does not go out
Like a stone that is born dust.

If one day you need me, I will be nothing
And at the same time I will be everything
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown

Transformation....

Is something we all go through, i have been thinking about my own lately and some questions pop up immediately, have i become too cold? emotionless? or is this a phase? Over the years i have had a lot of experiences, some extremely sad some happy and some bitter-sweet, these have moulded me into who i am today and who i am is a reflection of what i have seen and been through in life, but is there a need for change? i think so, sometimes experiences turn us into people we really are not, we seek a comfort zone and having found that we do not see the need to move out of it no matter how stagnant it has become, i need to move out of mine and i think i will! Also another thought that perplexes the mind is the faces that have come into my life, friends,girl-friends, acquaintances alike, have i made an impression on their lives? i don't know because i never asked, but i hope in some way i have brought some positivity into their daily lives, take my lady friend for example a very talented girl, but holding herself back? i hope in someway i have encouraged her to let loose and take on the world,naturally gifted people are few and far between,,,, Also there was another reason i decided to call this post "Transformation" Today was the transfer deadline, it was crazy, it was hectic and i am proud to say we worked very very hard now the squad looks somewhat like the squad in the adams,viera era with the right mix of youth and experience, New Signings: Park: Captain of the Korean National team, plenty of experience Mertesacker: 75 caps for Germany, Captain of Werder Santos:22 Caps for Brazil Yossi: Captain of the Israeli national team Arteta: Automatically becomes with the post premiership experience in the team, Fantastic, a perfect foil for wilshere,ramsey,alexode,miyaichi to learn from and grow Total Spending: 51.4 million pounds A reasonable amount spent on transfers, love it!!

A strange feeling....

I cannot explain what has come over me, beyond words, but thesedays everything has been quiet, there is a strange calmness in the air, i wonder what it is? i am not saying i do not like it, in fact its quite the opposite, i am in my element and this has not happened in a long long time, there is a lot of optimism in the air for some odd reason, strange.... cannot think of a better word..
So back to happenings in and around me, aside from the strange calmness which has come over me, things are moving along as they should, on a personal front, a couple of really interesting conversations,
1. me: so everything ok?
her: i don't know, not sure about anything anymore,,,,
me:are you happy?
her:i guess so....
me:time for kids?or rather a kid?
her:no decided to wait, need time to adjust, too many rules....
me:so you are not happy then
her: Silence
her: I miss you
me: Silence
2.me: Hey long time, how are you
her(not the same as no.1): good and you, how are you are your girl?
me:which girl?
her:(no.1)
me: Oh that ended a year ago, she is married now
her:Sorry baby
me: Its ok,i am fine
her:I miss you
me: I miss you too
her:Sorry to be off the radar for such a long time
me:no worries, figured you were busy with your life
her:my feelings were overwhelming, did not know what to do with them,,,,not an excuse,,,,
me:no worries, my feelings for you have not changed,,,,somethings never do
her:Yes, somethings never change


Sums up my personal life i guess,
also on a more passionate note, i was harsh on arsene and i think it was more an emotional thing, i am passionate about the club and arsene is the face of the club, but after thinking long and hard i have come to the conclusion that Arsene is still the right man for the job,,,,
Come on you gunners!!

8-2....

That was the scorline, when we played united today,

Wenger has to go.... period.

I am frustrated,this is going to be a terrible week, i don't know what excuses he will come up with now, but this is terrible just terrible, i am thinking avoiding relegation this year.

Wenger, gaziwhateverthefuckdis and whoever else runs this football club need to go, we need a complete overhaul, players and management alike!

Constants....

Throughout our lives we see faces,things,places change but yet there remain some constants, the constants help us in a way that we never really appreciate.
Constants in my life over the last few years:
There were 3 since but now there are 2, one i figured would be a constant but that never materialised, so the 2 that remain are
1.The Arsenal Football Club:
Who i am proud to say are in the CL playoff stages, we played Udinese today and again i took some time to watch the game and it was nerve racking, being 1-0 down at half-time, i felt so frustrated, it was a very bad,depressing, sinking feeling but then we won 2-1 and it was fantastic!!!!
Some people think i attach too much importance to a football club? i know i do, but then like i have said before it is my release from my frustrations in life and when they win, my day becomes a hell of a lot better, we all need something or the other to channel out our negative energy or rather release some from time to time, some people run, some do yoga, some meditate, me i watch the gunners play:-)
2.Oreo
Here is a picture, need i say more :-)

Writing....

Has been a passion all my life,not that i am particularly good at it, but i try and i hope keeping this blog updated everyday plays a little part in honing my writing skills, no matter how little i am sure it has an impact.
My day was good, i solved my work problem, so kudos to me, i am not very good at a lot of things, but i do like to think i am smart and i can solve problems and i am very good with numbers and i am thankful for that because otherwise i would be a complete disaster! people who know me can attest to that!! i don't do anything around the house, i am usually lazy,i am spoilt and i hate manual work!! I think i am going to change that though!!!! i hope!(a lot of exclamation marks)
So i penned a few lines again today since i felt inspirational, again very amateurish work but here goes, i called it I Promise
I Promise
My mind wonders how ?
something,something strong,
could be defeated so easily?
No words could express,
The confusion, the doubt
That runs through my veins,
The answer,
Why?
Questions answering an answer
Why?
The last question lingering
Were you real?
Or Just one of my needs?
It needs to be answered,
Today, Tomorrow, One Day,
I promise!

Spare a Thought....

For Jack Layton, the NDP leader who passed away, the NDP was the closest party to what my ideology stands for and i thought jack was a very charismatic leader, somone who definitely would have carried the NDP a long way, RIP Jack Layton....
Back to my day, i got home early today, and to be honest had a very boring day, i am still trying to figure out something at work and it bothers me that i am not coming up with right answer, i know i will.... maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after
But more importantly i have something on my mind that is bothering me!, why do i manage to screw up relationships? i try to be as nice as possible but somethings i need to work on harder,i compare people in my head and when something does not seem right instead of working on it my brain shuts down and i am not interested anymore and it shows in more than one facet of the relationship, obviously the other person is annoyed and rightly so!I guess its baby steps time, one thing at a time, take each person for who they are and move on from there, every individual has good qualities and bad and no two people can ever be the same, i need to nail that in.... otherwise there will more problems in relationships that lie ahead!
One good thing that has happened in the recent past though is that i am blogging more, i find that this is a good channel for me to write how i feel about things and writing is very soothing.... and for this i will be thankful to my lady friend for it is she who inspired me to blog more!

The Weekend....

On the whole can be classified as a good one, i went out for drinks last night with a really good friend and we chatted, i was watching Master Chef all evening after i got home from tdot and was craving dessert! but alas was too late when we reached the goat after drinks!!!! so no dessert for sherine!
Its been raining here all day though and pretty heavy as well,i like the rain though, and un-characteristically i went out for a morning walk in pouring rain all by myself, was nice but then i usually run into people when i am out walking(not that i do much of that)and this morning was no different, ran into a colleague and we had coffee and a nice conversation, so much more to people when you meet them outside of work, sometimes i wonder if we put on masks which shield us from everyone and everything at work,,,, i saw a very different side of her, interesting to say the least!
Watching Master Chef has made me feel like cooking since yesterday, so not just craving dessert but coming up with some on my own as well, i was not that adventurous, because i do not bake but i did make an interesting fusion dish, sausage diced up, veggies, thai sambal paste, soya sauce,oyster sauce, lightly pan fried in olive oil and it turned out pretty good, i guess i should be watching more cooking shows!!

On a train....

And on my Ipad again!,i am on my way back from toronto, that is probably the shortest trip i have made, i think? hmmm, anyway it was all last moment, i had made up my mind not to go,then decided i'll take a half-day and go, needed a change of scenery, however the main reason that i was going for(poker game) never happened.... which sucked and to top it off we lost this morning(i wonder if this will be the worst season for us in a long long time!)
So a rather disappointing trip you could say except i got hit by another curveball, life keeps throwing these curveballs at me and this one was completely unexpected, so the game being cancelled we decided to head out for dinner and drinks and i ran into someone i had not seen in hmmm well lets c, since 99 so 12 years and then it was nostalgia time, she has not changed at all....interesting how we never kept in touch and after all these years bang out of nowhere,she being an old lady friend who i used to go out with in my younger days, a 6 yr marriage/divorce later she is still the same....all wit and charm,and still looking like she did back in university, but i guess as a lawyer u would need that now wouldnt you, anyway it was good to catch up and maybe we will keep in touch this time,,,, well maybe, lets c!
Anyway, will go out tonight again in kingston, should be home in time for a drink or 2 late at night :-)

And thats that....

I feel relieved,a little sad and at the same time happy tonight. I feel relieved because i did not have to go through the unpleasant feeling of breaking up, a little sad cause that comes with the territory and a little happy that i made another good friend.
So my lady friend and I decided to call it quits on the relationship front,i was meaning to say something but knowing me i would have sent an email and it would have been the wrong thing to do, but i am glad she had the same feelings as i did, there were too many differences and too many things which bothered both of us,,,,
But there was no bitterness, no anger, it was great and i am glad i have a good friend :-), its always good to end a relationship on a mutual terms!
Ok back to my daily life, work has been hectic and i hate politics at work, but hey i guess each and everyone of us has to go through it, nothing new there, looking forward to the game on saturday though, chances of us winning? minimal, well lets c!

A Open Letter...

Dear Arsene,

I took time off work, on a busy day to watch us play Udinese and i was not too impressed with what i saw. I saw a shaky side which has been reduced to a bare minimum and full of talented but extremely inexperienced youngsters.There was no creativity at all and if this is what is to be expected in the coming season i am well and truly disappointed.
I know you have come for criticism from a number of quarters both in the media and among fans.The intent of this letter is not to level any criticism at either you or the club but rather explain the frustration of an Arsenal Fan thousands of miles away who only wants to see the club win.
We as fans lead regular lives which are filled with our own personal frustrations and sport is way for us to escape, when our team wins it gives us joy, we forget the number of problems that beseige us in our day to day lives and live the moment.As any true fan would tell you, not everything can be won, but we must try to win everything and being the club we are, with the history we have, expectations are set very very high.
Over the last few years we have always failed to deliver when there was a need to do so, we choked, you may call it inexperience? i call it lack of experience? the same are they not, the meaning might be but the context is not, we choked because of a lack of experience and the inexperienced were blamed for that.
I implore you to get some experienced players in, someone who has the skill and also the leadership qualities we need,pay top dollar if you need to, please do not haggle over the price, i know, easy for me to say, without having any insight into what kind of financial strain the club might be under or what financial goals are set for the club.
You say you are ready to splash the cash on the right player/players? but they never seem to come around, why is that? is the lure of the Arsenal Football club fading? it very well might be, we might not even be in the champions league qualifiers next year with the kind of competition that exists in the EPL.
I read a statement where you said and i quote "We focus on the players we have and we believe we have enough strength. I saw all the games over the weekend and I don't see why we should be suddenly afraid of anybody in England."
I beg to disagree with you Arsene, with the players we have we do not have enough strength? our bench is the weakest it has been in years? asking young talented players to win the premiership is just too much.
You also went on to say that our current defensive pairing does not lack quality and i do agree with you there but what happens if the unforseen happens again and one of them gets injured? do we have capable back ups, i think not!
You may say we were unlucky on several fronts last year, i say luck is created and we did not do enough to create our luck!
I hope you get some players in before the end of the Transfer Window and i hope we win something this season.
I still say In Arsene I Trust, but that thought is fading fast and the picture of you as a great coach is being replaced by that of a great financial analyst who makes money for the club, and i for one would like to have the great coach back,

Cheers
A Frustrated Gooner

Long day....

And very tiring as well, just got home about half and hour ago, work, then a drink with friends and some interesting conversations later i am a tired human being,
Also to all my Indian friends out there "Happy Independence Day"! it was on the 15th of this month in 1947 that we became a free country!

I penned a few lines today after a long time, an amateurish attempt at poetry, here goes,,,,
The sky lit up in orange,
The birds chirping, the sun setting,
Memories of a day gone by,
Lucid at times, hazy as the darkness sets in,
The darkness puts a cloak over it all,
Has it been a good day or a bad one
As i await the sun again,and let it happen all over,,,,
again,,,
To wonder will it be a good day or a bad one....

The weekend....

Was very nice, it was actually peaceful and thanks to the company i had :-) very enjoyable, so there was some confusion mainly on my part regarding the status quo of my relationship with my lady friend but thankfully it has been sorted out and her coming for the weekend made it very very nice indeed.
She has a beautiful smile and its good to see her face all lit up when she is excited :-), today was the best day of all minus the fact that she had to leave,we took the ferry, went to the island, went to an art gallery and it felt nice,,,,i was never a country boy, growing up in a really big city and then moving to a smaller(very much smaller) town but still there was no peace and quiet and i miss that, and today i got to have some of it, albeit very little but was worth it,

In other news the season began yesterday, we drew with newcastle but it was marred by some ugly incidents thanks to Messrs's joey barton and company, although i must say i was not too impressed with what song did as well, anyway gervinho got sent off, we were down to 10 men and thankfully we finished with a point!
Also just read that its official Cesc is no longer an arsenal player, i am sure the nasri announcement will come next!,
What bothered me about the game though is the fact that we did not have the inclination nor it seemed the talent to carve open the opposition, and that i think is a serious issue, we need some creativity in our mid-field, and i hope we have some before the end of the season!on the bright side, defensively we looked solid, which is an oxy-moron of sorts, us defensively strong and slow attacking!
Anyway a tough week ahead, udinese in cl qualifier and then liverpool at home!
Also on a cricketing note i am disgusted with Team India, too depressing to even watch anything and this was the team which was ranked 1 in tests, i wonder why this sudden collapse? conspiracy theories anyone? maybe something like chemtrails:-)(inside joke)

Season Preview

It would be an understatement to say that the next few weeks, and indeed the next season, are important to the long-term plans of both Arsenal and Arsene Wenger. Despite the Frenchman's declarations that he would be "busy" this summer, the big-name, and inevitably big-money, signings that Gunners fans have been craving since their inexperienced capitulation to Birmingham City in the Carling Cup final left their season in tatters, have so far failed to materialise.

Added to the inability to bring in tried-and-tested talent, Cesc Fabregas looks all but certain to return home to Barcelona, Gael Clichy has jumped ship to Manchester City, while Samir Nasri may yet exploit the threat of leaving next summer on a Bosman and force through a move to Eastlands as well. Robin van Persie, Tomas Vermaelen and Jack Wilshere have also all picked up pre-season knocks at a time when Wenger can ill-afford more stars away from the field, particularly with a tricky Champions League qualifying tie against Udinese to negotiate in between matches against Liverpool and Manchester United.

It all seems to make for rather depressing reading for Gunners fans. Champions Manchester United have snapped up £50m worth of talent, City have strengthened with Sergio Aguero, while Chelsea's new man Andre Villas-Boas looks to try and blend the know-how of old heads with the youthful exuberance of prospects such as Romelu Lukaku. Even Liverpool have splurged, leaving the Gunners faithful wondering if they can mount a serious challenge for a Champions League place, let alone a title challenge.

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. In Vermaelen, Arsenal possess one the Premier League’s most talented centre-backs, and if the Belgian can remain fit, then he will surely help to shore up a weak defence. The purchase of Gervinho for £10m already looks like an astute piece of business - the Ivorian striker is quick, lethal in front of goal, and adaptable to numerous forward positions, a necessity for Arsenal's style.

Aaron Ramsey may have a big part to play this season if both Fabregas and Nasri move on, and while he is supremely talented, it wll be intriguing to see how he copes with the demands of the league following his horrific leg break in early 2010. Much rests on the young, gifted shoulder of Jack Wilshere. There is no question of his talent, yet he may need an experienced head or two, such as Scott Parker, next to him in what will be another long season for the 19-year-old. The purchase of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain from Southampton looks like another deal with the future in mind. While a reported £10m is not cheap, again fans will ask whether Wenger has decided to gamble on a younger player for less expense when, say, the more expensive yet more established Juan Mata has openly talked about his desire to move to Arsenal.

Rumours of a deal for Gary Cahill or Phil Jagielka swirl, yet until another centre-back and at least one central midfielder are signed, it is difficult to see how Arsenal can possibly sustain a serious title challenge. The Gunners remain one of the most gifted squads in the league, and their technique is without doubt. After delivering success and a state-of-the-art stadium, it seems unthinkable that Wenger could face mounting pressure for his position at the club.

It would be the ultimate of ironies if the man who has literally built Arsenal's future on youth to be forced from his position for his failure to look to more established names. While former chairman David Dein has publically backed Wenger, the fans, and ultimately the Arsenal board, will hope that Arsene stocks up on a few bullish enforcers to complement the tiki-taka teens currently at his disposal.

Solved....

So the problem i was working on, i solved it this morning!! and boy did it feel good!! so it turned out to be a very constructive morning:-),also got my Performance Review which was Exceeds Expectations, which is kind of good, but then where do i want to go from here? that's a question that remains to be answered, in interviews one standard question they usually ask is " Where do you see yourself 5 years from now" and the de facto response is Growing with this company and moving up, but then what if the company is the not the one you want to be with or the city not the one you want to live in then what? well we'll find out i guess!!

Also on another note, had an interesting conversation with my lady friend, boy do i manage to freak people out or what! getting all mushed up and jumping the gun by blurting out things:-), anyway there is a disclaimer i put up at the end of this blog a while back which said my postings depend on the mood i am in and of late it has been a good one and so i jump overboard with the mushiness, the gist of the matter being that i write about the feeling in the moment usually and i try to be overly for the lack of a better word mushy and it does not in anyway shape or sense signify what i feel on a long term basis! the long term stuff comes with "love" usually attached and last time(the only time) it came after a while, good or bad i do not know!

I like communication and open-ness and i am glad she mentioned it :-), on another note my friend is back from england and am glad he was not there with everything that is going on!

Cheerio! till next time

Unusual Day....

Which it was, i woke up feeling refreshed after 8 hrs of sleep which by my standards is a lot but i felt that it was long overdue,
I was expecting an overly busy day but somehow, it was not, i was busy but doing only one thing and not tasked with a multitude of things as i usually am, which helped and thank the good Samaritan that took some of my work!
I am still perplexed with a problem and i got part of it solved but the answer is just not coming to me? permutations, combinations, have tried plenty, i am sure it will but unfortunately there is a time crunch, every project has a deadline!!!!
Also there were some nostalgic conversations today and we finally signed a new player, another young gun! as the season nears the frustration grows,
I have been reading frost this evening and it helped me think about some other things other than the usual work stuff, which was a welcome change,i needed to remind myself not be carried away as life is not always the way i want it to be,
because people are not always the way we expect them to be,prime example: arsene promises new signings and we get a young gun!, but thats life and there are many more
examples,i just have to suck it up and accept the facts!

A poem from frost to end my post!


Revelation

We make ourselves a place apart
Behind light words that tease and flout,
But oh, the agitated hear
Till someone really find us out.

'Tis pity if the case require
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend.

But so with all, from babes that play
At hid-and-seek to God afar,
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are.

The Weekend....

Was wonderful, i was in new brunswick and it was amazing, made all the more special by my lady friend who accompanied me on the trip....i guess she is not a friend anymore but much more,
I left thursday night, stayed the night in montreal, we went for dinner and then we travelled together to new brunswick,got back this morning, she is still there returning sunday, and its her birthday tomorrow and i am kinda sad that i was not there for her special day, but here is hoping she has the best day ever with lots more to come and may all the love and happiness in the world be showered upon her, i know sounds cliche but its true,,
She is an amazingly thoughtful person,she gave me a book on the art of writing and i never expected it,,,,goes to show that beneath those pretty eyes and the beautiful smile lies a beautiful heart,
I miss her,,,, and cannot wait to see her again :-)

An Insight....

Into my life, that is what this posting will be about, not that it matters to the millions out there who surf the web on an everyday basis,what is so interesting about my life in the grand scheme of things? well nothing actually!
I lead a very simple life or try to at least, work,home,work,home,go for drinks, work,home,watch sports,play sports(that is rare), but that is what my life is all about,and oh yes did i mention blogging!, now that is a rarity but these days as i have mentioned over and over again in my previous posts i am blogging more, and all credit to my lady friend,i have a very pleasant feeling almost every night and there is only one reason, i talk to her every night, sometimes i wonder when i am looking out the window and i see the moon, if she is as well, well i am sure she is not, but i would like to think she is or the stars, because she lives in a different city i just presume that we are looking at it together,,,, feels nicer that way, there i go again being all romantic :-)
Anyway back to my life, i often think i should do something meaningful and in my book meaningful means helping someone, someone who has not had the opportunities that i have had,i briefly thought i would sponsor a child but then i gave up on the idea because i heard some bad stories about that and that most of them were scams!
I have to think of something though,,,, otherwise there will be no sense of fulfillment..

Keeping up with the times..

So i revamped the blog, needed to keep up with the times, the blog was starting to look to blasé, you know the whole 2004 look,

Hope people enjoy the make-over, another interesting stat i looked at today, in the 7 odd years i have had this blog i have a total of 95 posts, not much of a blogger am i?
most bloggers post more than that each day/week!

Disgusted!!

So i just heard that there were blasts in mumbai again,

When will these islamic radical retards learn that the resolve of mumbaikars becomes stronger after attacks like these,

To be honest though i am disgusted, innocent people being killed, when will these people ever learn!, like i had posted before the best solution would be to round up all the fundamentalists, radicals, bigots,racists etc.. and ship them off to an island in the middle of nowhere and let them fight it out or learn to co-exist in peace,

I wonder when this madness will end!

Goofy....

I am in a very goofy mood thesedays, there is a flutter, an excitement of sorts,an all too familiar feeling :-) but i like it, the romantic in me is out again, i am writing again, i have a goofy smile on my face most of the times..

I wonder why :-), need i elaborate,

In other news there is a Tintin Movie coming out in December and i cannot wait!!

I grew up with Tintin and have read almost every published work of Herge!, so it better be good, will go in with a lot of expectations!

Been a while since i posted anything about the gunners,its summer and there is a lot of transfer speculation going on and i am on top of all the rumors but then arsene is a shrewd manager and most of the rumors are just that, rumors!
Nasri and Fabregas are the prime candidates being singled out for a move this summer, personally i think both will stay but i might be wrong, Cesc has four more years left on his contract and i am certain he will not leave without winning something with this young arsenal side.
Samir Nasri on the other hand is a very curious case, i like samir nasri, i think he is technically gifted, a good finisher and has tenacity which is lacking in many an arsenal player, but if he is not signing an extension, then why would we risk losing him for free next year when there is money to be made? Last i heard there was a 22 million pound offer on the table from City and for a player in his last year that is a lot of money? Would arsene do bad business? i highly doubt it,, like i said previously i think samir will stay and will extend his contract, i am sure there is some guile and charm left in Le Professor and he will manage to convince Samir Nasri to stay..
On the other end of the spectrum there are number of players linked to us, cahill, samba, mertasacker, mata to name a few,
Of the lot i would love to see juan mata come to arsenal, from the very little i have seen of his game, i think it would be a perfect fit and we will be adding a very exciting young player, but that being said, our defence is where our main problem lies and although what people may say about cahill i would still prefer mertasacker,,

So my predictions:
Samir and Cesc Stay
Juan Mata and Per Mertasacker arrive
Bendtner and Almunia leave,

Leaves us with denilson,eboue,diaby,rosicky,vela all of whom i think need to be unloaded, well maybe all by rosicky,, i still think he can offer something, but denilson and diaby definitely need to go but i think they will end up staying!

Life: The Protagonist

That was going to be the title of the book i was about to pen,
keywords being "about to", i wrote a few pages and then the
inspiration died down, as with anything there needs to be
enough motivation and i guess it was lacking,
Why am i suddenly talking about the book i never wrote?
Because today i was reminded of it in a conversation i had
with my "interesting" oh wait, "very interesting" lady friend,
who never ceases to amaze..

Am I smitten? I'll let you answer that....

Its strange but i have had this blog for over 7 years now but i
rarely post regularly, but of late i have had the urge more so
than ever, the blog is meant to be a channel for me to express
how i feel, with random strangers reading it, i have never
publicised my blog which is why friends do not know about it,but
i told the aforementioned that i keep a blog, why did i do that?
I told some personal stuff as well? i wonder why??

Some questions do not have simple answers i guess?

As shaw put it,
"No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious"

Here we go again....

I am on a train,
I am on my Ipad(still the work one)
I am posting something, how cool is that?
Apparently not very, a few years ago it would have been very very cool, but the rate
at which technology changes thesedays nothing is cool anymore..

So the young lady mentioned in the previous post has become "close", we have been talking a lot and i love talking to her, its exciting, she is a wonderful person and
very graceful,,

I will get to see her again, in a few days, so looking forward to that!! and as Frost so eloquently put it
"I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering."

The looonnng Weekend....

And it was just that, a very long weekend, but it was a very good weekend, tiring i must admit,i played host to 6 people and i would like to believe that for the most part i was a good host.

Canada Day was spent in ottawa, it was nice, the hustle and bustle and my company had a great time which was good to see,although i must admit, i was worn out by the time we got back home and since we went to bed real late did not get much sleep.

The next day was spent for the most part sight-seeing around town and i played the tour guide, i guess it is something that comes naturally to me, i talk a lot and if i ever decide to move away from the the Information Technology field that is what i intend to become, a "Tour Guide"! Again not much sleep though,
Also i did finally get to have breakfast with some good friends who are leaving and moving out west,its always a tinge sad when friends leave....

But i made a very special friend over the weekend, a young lady who i met for the first time and was very very impressed indeed:-), maybe we will get to spend time again soon, i enjoyed her company,, and i think it was a mutual feeling,well atleast i hope it was, until next time!

Ipad and more....

So I am using an iPad to post this?do I like it ? Of course I do I must admit though that it will take a little getting used to,but for the most part it's handy,let's me surf the web,check my mail,stay connected, ok,now for a little truth, unfortunately I do not own it,,,, i am testing it out for work,but the more I use it the more I am inclined to buy one,,,, let's c hopefully my next post will be written using my own IPad :-)
On to other things,so she got married, how do I feel about it,, well I did not feel anything to be honest which is good, means that I am finally over her,phew and I thought I would never be over that whole phase, but now when I look back I am glad we did not end up together, I believe in unconditional love and she believed in love with a lot of clauses inter-twined, well I hope she is happy,and wish her well but like they say karma is a bitch:-), a hint of bitterness?hmmm u decide,,

After 28 years....

We are World Champions again.... i did not get to see the 1983 final,
but i saw the 2011 final, on television though :-( would have loved
to see it live like some of my friends, maybe the one in Australia/NZ
next time!!

Now if the gunners win the premiership, my sports dream would come true!!

Finally,,, heartiest congratulations to Team India, you have done a nation
proud and many a fan like me in far off corners around the world, hats off
to MS! the man with the Midas touch!

I am a year older....

Another year gone by, i am a year older, not necessarily wiser, but older,,,,
Is is pure coincidence that i was born the day after st.Patrick's day or is
there a reason for it, sometimes i wonder?
The patron saint of Ireland loved a drink and so do i, so most of the celebrations
of my birthday intermingle with st.Pat's day festivities, so on the 18Th of march usually every year i wake up with a hangover and this year it was no different, except
that i had an early meeting and it was struggle of epic proportions to stay awake!

Anyway in the last few posts i was opining about missing her and wondered if she did as well,
I had a talk with her this afternoon and well here goes(obviously i have not included the entire conversation)
Me: Do you still love me?
Her:I don't think if i should answer that, honestly....
Me:Well answer honestly, i do not think it will change anything,circumstances being what they are,but i asked cause i wanted to know
Her:Yes!
Her: Embarassed simley face


I guess that answers that, what should i make of it, i wonder?

Needed to write....

Its midnight and i have the sudden urge to write, so i thought might as well pen a few words, sometimes i guess it is handy to have a blog to express yourself, soothing if u may call it that,,,,
So life moves on, watching a larger than life movie right now, one of those in which reality as i may see or perceive is merely fiction, interesting though, sometimes it is good to escape into the land of fiction.
So nothing exciting going on in my "single" life, i must admit, some nights i do miss her, interesting how time being the great healer is slow to react,instead of one swift motion of wiping away your pain, it gently heals,i am used to life now the way it is, good or bad i do not know,only time will tell when the healing process is complete.
I did go to new brunswick to see some old friends which was great though, was a change i needed, stagnation had set in and i needed a change of scenery,went there with a friend who had never seen the maritimes so it was like me introducing someone to this magical place where everyone is extremely friendly:-)
Did a lot of catching up with some people who are near and dear to me and i had not seen in a few years, it was good, i enjoyed it, the interesting part was paying a visit to the mother of an ex girlfriend,somehow that relationship never died, i lost my mother when i was very young and i have someone fill that spot, was very special indeed....

The New Year

My first post of 2011.

Well so far it has been ok, the new year i mean, have been busy with something every weekend and with work for most of the week, so well occupied.
Any news? hmm nothing new really, everything seems to be moving at a very slow pace,other than work which for some reason is moving very fast..

Still looking for the elusive "one", seems real hard at times, when you thought u found the one and it turns out to be a hazy dream,,,, hard to go back to the process of finding another one!,,,, "one" = soulmate? life partner? best friend?

I must admit, i do miss her,,,, sometimes a lot! i wonder if she misses me?