Another month gone....

So march is gone in a few more hours, i am a year older, the only excitement in the birthday month coming in the form of watching the gunners win, it has been a hectic month, spent mostly travelling!
As i write this blog post i am a little depressed i think, don't know why but the "living alone" part maybe finally getting to me, i am tired of one night stands and relationships which fizzle out before they start, and to top it all i went back to the past searching, maybe even hoping that there might still be something left, but as it turns out the past is the past and that is the reality i have to live with....
So many faces have passed through my life, yet none seem to stick, i have a picture maybe an elusive shadowy one, blurred but yet it remains in my mind of who i think might be the one to complete my life.... maybe just maybe it will be a reality someday, there is hope but that is dwindling fast and i am sinking deeper and deeper into the cold heartless quicksand that is life....

March again....

Time flies does it not? i can still remember it being summer and the sun shining, all the excitement it brought and here we are again, so close to summer again....
March is the month i get a year older, nothing much has changed though, i am still in the same spot i was a year ago, single/alone, looking for someone to share my life with, accomplished quite a bit on the work front but it has been failures on the personal front, but then again i am an eternal optimist and i believe there will be someone special who comes into my life, i always have believed that, i associate every girl who comes in to be the "special one" ( not like jose :-)) but so far special has turned out to be ordinary and i am still looking!
Being alone does get to you at times though, i mean single life has its perks too i guess, you get to "socialize" if i may put it eloquently but i being the die hard romantic, need more, i need to find a spark, just hold hands with someone and have her in my arms as we watch a movie together,,,, you know little things like that, that is what i miss the most..

The Weekend....

Was an interesting one, i went to toronto to meet an old friend, well she is much more than a friend to be honest and i for one felt the need to apologize for the way i behaved when i last saw her which was more than 2 years ago.... we have known each other for more than a decade and always kept in touch but the last time we met i think i was a dick,,,, sometimes i have the tendency to be one! she brushed off the apology as if nothing had happened and she was fine, surprised me a little but then i thought i must have over reacted, which was great to be honest because i have been feeling guilty for the longest time, because i honestly thought i had hurt her, and believe me it was not intentional, i have always had feelings for her and still do, those will never go away, she is someone very special but i was in a serious relationship 2 years ago and well she was.... and always has been taken.... but later on in a conversation she mentioned she is afraid of being attached, and it was the way she said it, i relaized that i had indeed hurt her feelings,,,, i felt lousy!
Also the woman i saw was a pale shadow of herself, she seemed shy,demure, very fragile, even a little jaded and it troubled me to see her in that state, i wish, hope and pray that she gets herself back to the woman of old, she gets her self confidence back, her feistiness back,,,, and like i told her i am here if she ever needs any support emotionally, its the least i can do!
Sometimes life has strange twists and turns and you do not really know how to comprehend some of these, i really am clueless!